10 Signs You Desperately Need an Adulting Licence

Certificate Guide - 4 min read

Nobody teaches you how to be an adult. There's no course, no exam, no official recognition when you figure out how to change a tyre or remember to defrost the chicken before 6pm.

You just wake up one day with a pension and a favourite brand of kitchen roll, and you're supposed to act like you know what you're doing.

An Adulting Licence provides the formal acknowledgment you've been missing. Here's how to know if you need one.

The Signs

1. You've Googled Something You're Embarrassed to Admit
   "How to fold a fitted sheet." "What temperature to wash towels." "How long do I cook pasta." These searches are between you and your browser history - but they suggest you're learning on the job. Like the rest of us.
2. You Own a Vegetable Steamer You've Never Used
   You bought it during a health phase. It's still in the box, or perhaps used once as a temporary plant pot. It represents intention, which is a form of adulting.
3. You've Said "We Should Do This More Often" While Meaning the Opposite
   The polite lies of adult socialisation are complex. If you've mastered saying things you don't mean at dinner parties, you're adulting successfully.
4. You Have Opinions About Mattresses
   Children sleep on anything. Adults develop preferences about pocket springs versus memory foam. If you've researched mattresses, you've crossed a threshold.
5. You Get Excited About Cancelled Plans
   A child is disappointed when plans fall through. An adult experiences secret relief and immediately changes into comfortable clothes. This is a feature, not a bug.

6. You've Attended an Event Because of the Food
   Not the networking. Not the opportunity. The canapés. Adults understand that free food transforms any obligation into an acceptable trade.
7. You Have a Favourite Mug
   And you experience genuine distress when someone else uses it. This is normal. This is adulthood.
8. You've Been Excited About a New Sponge
   The old one was getting disgusting. The new one is fresh, effective, and brings a small joy. If you've felt this, congratulations - or commiserations - you're an adult.
9. You've Had a Weekend Ruined by Something You Forgot to Do on Friday
   That email you meant to send. That bill you were supposed to pay. Children don't carry mental loads - adults carry them everywhere, including into their leisure time.
10. You've Described Yourself as "Tired" When Someone Asks How You Are
    Not "good." Not "fine." Tired. Because you are. Because adults are tired. It's a permanent state now.

What the Adulting Licence Provides

The Existence Registry's Adulting Licence is formal acknowledgment that you have demonstrated capacity to function as an adult in modern society. It's provisional - because all adulting is provisional - and includes important terms:

Revocation Triggers

Your licence may be revoked for:

• Crying in IKEA
• Cereal for dinner (3+ consecutive days)
• Calling your mum to ask how to boil an egg
• Googling "am I dying" at 2am
• Describing anything as "adulting"

These conditions are listed on the certificate for reference and mild self-deprecating humour.

Perfect For

• Milestone birthdays (30, 40, or "I can't believe I'm still doing this")
• Friends who've just bought their first house
• Anyone who's recently assembled IKEA furniture without crying
• New parents who need acknowledgment of their upgraded responsibilities
• Yourself, because no one else is going to give you credit

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